Creative Mamas

When it comes to your life, your family, and your art, what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable?

Many things in our lives are non-negotiable. They are the bottom line things such as a roof over our heads, sunlight, bread, water, our children, sleep, and food.

But, there are also many things in our lives that have become non-negotiable because we are used to them, we don’t question them, and we don’t evaluate and define our priorities. In the realm of motherhood these are usually things we think we have to do to be a “good” mom: carpools, making our own baby food, having a kitchen floor that you could eat off of, etc. The non-negotiable will be different for each of us. But, there are things basic to our survival that will be on all of our lists. Abraham Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs in the form of a pyramid placing survival and physiological needs at the base and esteem and actualization at the top.

You can view the source of this information and see a picture of the pyramid on Wikipedia.

I agree with Maslow’s theory. I don’t pretend to understand the intricacies of it or the research behind it, but it makes sense. And most sensible people will make the assumption that artistic expression and creative fulfillment should be placed at the top of the pyramid in the realms of esteem or actualization.

However, for the sake of art, I am going to make the outrageous argument that we give ourselves permission to move our creativity as close to the base of the pyramid as possible.

When I am not creating, I feel it in my body. The same way you can physically feel the loss of love during a painful break up. For an artist the need to create and share her art is a physiological need. She must create and express herself in order to feel fully alive. When I am not creating, expressing, or challenging my skills and craft as a writer, actress, or director, I feel physically numb. I call this living in the “Drone Zone”. Now, I can get used to this numbness and live in the “Drone Zone”. At some low points in my life, I’ve done that successfully for several years, but that isn’t living. It is barely surviving.

Consider Joan’s monologue in Act VI of George Bernard Shaw’s Saint Joan. She is speaking to her judges who have given her the choice between signing a confession and living in their dungeons for the rest of her life or being burned at the stake. She says:

Light your fire …

You think that life is nothing but not being stone dead. It is not the bread and water I fear: I can live on bread: when have I asked for more? It is no hardship to drink water if the water be clean. Bread has no sorrow for me, and water no affliction. But to shut me from the light of the sky and the sight of the fields and flowers; to chain my feet so that I can never again ride with the soldiers nor climb the hills; to make me breathe foul damp darkness, and keep from me everything that brings me back to the love of God when your wickedness and foolishness tempt me to hate Him: all this is worse than the furnace in the Bible that was heated seven times. I could do without my warhorse; I could drag about in a skirt, I could let the banners and the trumpets and the knights and soldiers pass me and leave me behind as they leave the other women, if only I could still hear the wind in the trees, the larks in the sunshine, the young lambs crying through the healthy frost, and the blessed, blessed church bells that send my angel voices floating to me on the wind. But without these things I cannot live; and by your wanting to take them away from me, or from any human creature, I know that your counsel is of the devil and that mine is of God.

I love that monologue. It gives me goose bumps.

So, let’s say, our artistic inspiration and creative expression are to us what the “wind in the trees” and the “blessed, blessed church bells” are to Joan. Without them, we are not alive. So often I hear people say they are afraid to take a dance class or claim space in the house to set up their easel and paints because they don’t want to short change their children or take time away from their families. Of course we don’t want to short change our children. But let’s consider this, how fun is it to live with a mommy who is in the “Drone Zone”?

When a Creative Mama is not creating for the sake of being a “good” mom, she is not expressing her gifts or sharing our best self with those she loves. Consider the legacy of raising a daughter who has a kitchen floor clean enough to eat off of or raising a daughter who gives herself permission to express herself with color, music, or poetry. We teach by example. Our children soak us up like sponges every day. Living in the “Drone Zone” is a poor example to give them. It is short changing our children.

Here is what I am suggesting. Build your own pyramid and put your creativity as close to the bottom as possible. While you’re at it teach your daughters to build their own pyramids. You will have to make choices, re-evaluate your priorities, and probably negotiate for some help, but it is worth it. Make your art non-negotiable.